


she called him turkey

by ellipsesificate



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, spy AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-04-17 03:06:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4649904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellipsesificate/pseuds/ellipsesificate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A variety of small Jeff/Shirley fics requested on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. how bad could it be

**Author's Note:**

> this one was for a "first sentence fic meme" on tumblr for keeveet-talks, who's actually a significant amount of my community requesters ngl.

“How bad could it be?” is one of those rhetorical questions that, on second thought, really should be answered before you proceed.

The worst part wasn’t that the pews were uncomfortable (although they were) or that the bride’s neighbour’s teenage daughter kept kicking the back of his bench. Or that the priest never seemed to run out of new material to derive from the same Bible passage about ‘commitment’ and ‘faithfulness’. He couldn’t even really blame how he had Ben the Second trying to chew the very expensive cufflink on his left wrist and Shirley’s arm wound so tight around his right that he was probably about to lose circulation.

(It might have been how he kept hearing whispers referring to him as “Shirley’s white squeeze”, which was a lot more uncomfortable than he thought it would be.)

No, the worst part was that as theoretically survivable as this ordeal was, Jeff never thought he’d need to clarify whether or not he was here as a fake date, a question he didn’t think was important until Shirley leaned into his side with a wistful sigh as the bride and groom finally began to exchange their vows.


	2. spy au

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three sentence fic, also prompted by keeveet-talks

Special Agent Winger had one rule about partners: Never make them permanent. Claim the hottest, freshest agent, flirt at all the right moments (in the middle of life-and-death situations was always a hit), make sweet love just before heading into the critical stage of the mission, then file for a new partner before things got awkward.

It wasn’t until Special Agent Bennett, who instinctively knew what worthwhile water cooler conversations to eavesdrop on, could smuggle a memory stick in a brownie, and had no problem complimenting his ‘assets’ in comparison to her ex-husband’s while remaining wily to his habits, that he considered changing this rule.


	3. the giggle conundrum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pseudo sequel to "how bad could it be", requested by obstinatecondolement on tumblr

“So,” Jeff said, as soon as they were safely in the hallway and the party muffled behind the door, “we need to talk about your giggle.”

Smiling and giddy on the high of a good wedding reception, Shirley gently shrugged off the arm Jeff had thrown around her shoulder earlier. “What are you talking about?”

Eyes flitting from down the hall to her, Jeff crossed his arms over his chest. “You know that giggle you do, every time you refer to me as your boyfriend?”

“Yes? It’s cute! Andre used to love it, I thought it’d show that I’ve really moved on-”

“Well then I don’t know how to tell you this,” Jeff said, quick to cut her off before Shirley could once again explain that she was Definitely Over Her Ex, “so I’ll do it quickly and bluntly. Your giggle is condescending.”

Her good cheer immediately dissipating, Shirley planted one hand on her hip and scowled up at her ‘date’. “Excuse me?”

Jeff was very pointedly not looking her in the face now. “Look, you and the rest of the group know I’m not exactly prime boyfriend material, but you don’t need to broadcast that-”

“It’s just a giggle, Jeffrey!”

“I have heard a lot of giggles out of you over the years! I have them catalogued, and that’s definitely a condescending, 'look at how gracious I am to this poor sap, letting him think he’s good enough for me’. It has a similar lilt to your 'I’m pretending Britta’s activism has any positive impact for her sake’ giggle.”

“I think you’re reading too much into this.”

“The _lilt_ , Shirley.”

Snorting, which Jeff was quick to step back at, Shirley raised her eyebrows. “Well, I’m sorry if something so small happens to be so damn offensive to your ego.”

“And now you have a chance to make it up to my ego.” Jeff’s arms twitched, as though he were about to make one of his grand imploring gestures, the kind one perfected in front of juries. Instead, he stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Just…this is ridiculous, okay, but is that the same giggle you’d have if this were an actual thing? Between us?”

Instinctively, she wanted to tell Jeff where he could stick his fragile self-esteem. But his shoulders slumped and his eyes widened, and her shoulder was still warm where were Jeff had touched it, and something softened just enough for a chuckle to escape.

Face brightening instantly, Jeff clasped her shoulders with a grin. His thumbs rubbing approving circles by her collarbone. “See, that’s a better giggle - that one says, 'I am genuinely content with my boyfriend’. Way more convincing, right?”

She couldn’t help but laugh again, taking one of Jeff’s arm to loop hers through. “Come on, sweetie. I don’t need to give my cousin any more theories about what we’re getting up to out here.”


	4. gettin the band back together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> look this is technically jeff/shirley. 3 sentence prompt.

“Shirley, please,” Jeff’s said, his voice more sober over the phone than she had heard in a long time, “between Annie’s FBI training and connections, your troubled detective friend’s abilities, and maybe even Chang’s new interest in showtunes out of some poor attempt to live up to gay stereotypes, I do honestly think that we have a chance to rescue Troy from whatever hellish island he’s been shipwrecked on. But I’m going to need you, your steely maternal instinct, and your minivan to carry us all through this - please, just think of Abed’s sad face, or my sad face, whichever you respond to better.”

“Jeffrey, God knows I’ve missed your speeches, but I already said yes.”


End file.
